When a new baby comes, other children might get excited. But they must learn to share love and attention with the new baby. This can be a big step, especially when children are still toddlers. Maybe you feel like you’re being pushed out of the spotlight.

Almost all children have to adjust when a new baby joins the family. But eventually, a positive sibling relationship develops—usually by the time the new baby is around 14 months old.

When to tell kids about a new baby

When preparing for a baby, when and how much you tell your child about the new baby is up to you. The age of your child also plays a role.

It can be good to Introduce the idea of ​​having a new baby fairly early in the pregnancy, maybe 3-4 months before the due date. You could try talking about babies in general, and then about your new baby.

Toddlers don’t really understand time. So when you explain to your child that a new baby is coming, try to relate it to a familiar event. For example, you could say that the new baby will be born shortly after someone special’s birthday.

Preparing children for a new baby

Before your new baby is born, you can help your child feel positive about their new sibling. You need preparation, communication and a lot of understanding.

• If you can make this time positive and exciting, your child will be more likely to feel that the change affects everyone in the family, not just the new baby. Here are some ideas that may help you:
• Read stories about babies. Look at pictures and talk to your child about how your family is growing.
• Show your child pictures of you when they were very young.
• Let your child touch the baby bump to feel the new baby move and step inside. Even when visiting the doctor or midwife, you could have the baby’s heartbeat listened to.
• Involve your child in the practical preparation for the new baby. Let them help you prepare your home, and buy and decorate baby items.
• Talk to your child about what they look forward to most when the new baby arrives.
• If your child is concerned about the new baby, talk to them about their concerns and reassure them. Give your child lots of love and cuddles and focus on the positive. For example, they will have a new brother or sister to love.

It's also a good idea to give your child an idea of ​​what it’s like to have a new baby in the family:

• If possible, spend some time with friends and their newborns. Your child will see that newborns are very sleepy and need a lot of care.
• Let your child know that the baby will be an independent little person with needs of their own.
• Encourage your child to socialize and play with other children. This will help your child develop the social skills to have a good relationship with a new sibling. Perhaps you can join a playgroup or get other family members—both children and adults—to spend some quality time with your child.

Work, childbirth, hospitals and other children

During labour and birth

Some parents consider having their child present at the birth of a new baby. Or you are planning a home birth and are considering what is best for your child. As you ponder these things, it may help to consider the following:

• How old is your child is
• How to explain the birth process to your child beforehand
• Whether you feel comfortable in the presence of your child
• Whether you consent to your child being exposed to nudity and sexuality
• Whether another trusted adult could be present to support your child if they are uncomfortable or upset.

During a hospital stay

Here are some ideas to make your child feel comfortable when you and your partner are away for a hospital birth:

• Let your child know who will look after them while they are in the hospital. If your child doesn’t know the caregiver well, it will take time to get used to the idea.
• Print out some family photos for your child to keep near their bed while you and your partner are away.
• Make sure your child’s routines stay the same as much as possible. This will make your child feel safer.
• Keep in touch with your child while you and your partner are away. If the birth went well and everyone is fine, make an appointment to see your child.
• Make your child feel special and loved when they visit you. Tell your child how happy you are to see them.

When the new baby comes home

These ideas can help you get things done when your new baby first comes home:

• Reassure your child with a big loving hug before introducing the new baby for the first time. This is especially important for young children.
• Organize a small gift for your child right from the newborn. Small children may want to get a small doll so they can have a “baby” of their own.
• If family and friends are bringing gifts for the new baby, suggest they bring something small for your child as well.
• Schedule some quality time with your child. This can be a short game outside, some painting or crafting, or a book before bed.