According to research, some of the developmental and behavioural distinctions that traditionally set boys apart from girls are influenced by biology. At this age, culture and family are more likely to have shaped gender-related traits than other factors. For instance, commercials, gifts from well-meaning relatives, and the approval of adults and other kids may encourage your daughter to play with dolls. In contrast, boys may be encouraged to switch from toys to more violent hobbies and sports. Children modify their conduct in response to parental approval or displeasure. Kids’ gender identities are frequently firmly established by the time they attend kindergarten. Children at this age frequently take the process of identification to the nth degree as they begin to think in categories and understand the boundaries of these labels without realising that boundaries can be fluid. Girls may insist on coming to school or the playground in gowns, nail paint, and makeup. Boys may strut, be too confident, and tote around their favourite truck, ball, or bat.

However, some children reject these stereotyped ways of expressing their gender identity and instead favour toys, playmates, interests, demeanours, and hairstyles that are more frequently associated with the other sex. The terms gender expansive, gender variable, gender nonconforming, gender creative, or gender atypical are occasionally used to describe these kids. Some of these gender-expansive kids may begin to believe that their true inner selves—their gender identities—are the antithesis of their biological sex, somewhere between male and female, or another gender; these kids are commonly referred to as transgender.

This can be a stage where a youngster who is gender-expansive stands out from the crowd because so many three-year-olds are reinforcing gender stereotypes. These kids are fine and healthy, but parents may find it challenging to manage their child’s expression and identity if it differs from their expectations or those of the people around them.

Testing gendered attitudes and actions

Children are bound to experiment with the attitudes and behaviours of both sexes throughout these formative years as they begin to build their own identities. Rarely is there a justification to suppress such urges, unless the youngster is defying or rejecting firmly held cultural norms? Allow the period to pass unless it is inappropriate for a particular event, such as if your son wanted to wear dresses every day or your daughter only wanted to wear sports shorts like her older brother. However, if the child insists or becomes especially upset about their gender, talk to your paediatrician about it.

Additionally, your youngster might copy certain behaviours that are viewed as sexual by adults, such as flirting. However, kids at this age imitate these gestures rather than having adult sexual goals. You should discuss this with your paediatrician as it could be a sign of sexual abuse or being influenced by inappropriate media or video games.

Play Sessions: Help your child make friends

By the age of four, your child should have an active social life full of friends, and they may even have a “best friend.” Ideally, they have friends in the neighbourhood and at daycare that they see regularly. But what if your child is not enrolled in kindergarten and does not live near other children of the same age? In these cases, you can arrange play sessions with other preschoolers. Parks, playgrounds, and preschool activities are great opportunities to meet other children.

Once your preschoolers have found playmates that they seem to enjoy, you need to take the initiative to help build their relationships. Encourage them to invite these friends into your home. It is important for your child to “show” their home, family and possessions to other children. This will create a sense of self-pride. By the way, to inspire that pride, their home doesn’t have to be luxurious or filled with expensive toys; it just has to be warm and inviting.

It's also important to realize that your child’s friends at this age aren’t just playmates. They also actively influence their thinking and behaviour. You will desperately want to be just like them, even if they break the rules and standards you taught them from birth. They now realize that there are other values ​​and opinions alongside your other values ​​and opinions, and they can test this new discovery by asking for things you never allowed them – certain toys, food, clothes or permission, certain ones watching TV shows.

Test limits

Don’t despair if your child’s relationship with you changes dramatically in the face of these new friendships. They may be rude to you for the first time in their life. As hard as it is to accept, this cheekiness is actually a positive sign that they are learning to question authority and testing their independence. Again, deal with it by expressing disapproval and possibly discussing with them what they really mean or feel. When you react emotionally, you encourage persistent bad behaviour. When the muted approach doesn't work and they insist on contradicting you, time out (or time out) is the most effective form of punishment.

Remember that even though your child is exploring the concepts of good and evil, they still have an overly simplistic sense of morality. If they strictly follow rules, it’s not necessarily because they understand them, but rather because they want to avoid punishment. For them, consequences count, not intentions. If they break something of value, they’re likely to assume it’s bad, even if they didn’t break it on purpose. They need to be taught the difference between accidents and misconduct.

Disconnect the child from their behaviour

To help them learn this difference, you need to separate them from their behaviour. If they do or say something that requires punishment, make sure they understand that they are being punished for what they did, not because they are “evil.” Describe exactly what they did wrong and clearly separate person and behaviour. If they pick on a younger sibling, instead of saying, “You’re bad,” explain why it’s wrong. If they do something wrong without meaning to, comfort them and say you understand it was unintentional. Try not to get upset or they’ll think you’re mad at them instead of what they did.

On family outings, explain that you expect them to behave well and congratulate them when they do. In addition to responsibilities, give them ample opportunities to play with other children and tell them how proud you are when they share something or help another child.

Sibling relationships

Finally, it’s important to recognize that relationships with older siblings can be particularly challenging, especially when the sibling is three to four years older. Often your four-year-old will strive to do everything his older sibling does; just as often, your older child resents the intrusion. They can annoy the intrusion into their space, their friends, their bolder and busier pace, and especially their room and stuff. You often become the mediator of these quarrels. It’s important to find a middle ground. Allow your older child their own time, independence, and private activities and space; but also promote cooperative play appropriately. Family vacations are great opportunities to enhance the positive aspects of their relationship while giving everyone their own activity and special time.